Give good empathy

"We apologise for any inconvenience caused."

It's such a bland, banal, cover-all statement. I'm just not feelin' it though. I'm not feeling that you've REALLY understood the lengths to which your stuff, has stuffed up my stuff.

Building deeper connections, trust and understanding with customers, clients, colleagues and users means you've got to give, first.

In a workshop I was facilitating with customers and users recently, I made a point of giving. Deeply.

While I'm listening - like all good leaders, managers, trainers, facilitators, coaches do - I really need to show I'm listening. I've got to 'give' good listening, to get good trust.

So in workshops, conversations, sessions, I give empathy. Big time.

Then when there's been 'an inconvenience' or 'any inconvenience', I'll take the time in a client, customer or user workshop to hear it.

"But it's not on topic," whispers a designer on the project. "And it will build trust," I say later, "you'll get more engagement, trust and truth, later."

It's called empathy. I think we need to show it more by naming what it is that might have 'inconvenienced' people in the past.

Often people want to tell you their 'story' about a situation or experience. I've seen too many people cut off in the prime of their story because it's not on topic, or we don't have time, or they're waffling on or I don't have an answer for it or I can't fix it or <insert another low empathy excuse.>

I'm sorry if this has totally stuffed up your calendar for the day. I'm sorry if this means you were expecting to do this, not that. I'm sorry if this has meant you've spent time doing this and feel like you've wasted that time. 

Wow that must have really been annoying. Gee that must have been frustrating and irritating. Ooooh that sounds like it was a difficult thing for you to have to do. 

Understand. Name the inconvenience. Go out on an empathy limb. Make them know you feel it. And don't be so quick to jump on to the next topic or story. Give.

More than Post-it Notes & Sharpies

Let us give thanks... let us give respect, thanks and acknowledgement to two awesome and life changing tools :

• The Post-it Note (Well, anything Post-it really, brilliant)
• The Sharpie (In fact any marker. They're super too).

Used together, they are life changing, team changing and world changing tools.

So now that we've given thanks to them, we must realise that they alone (or together) do not a 'workshop' make.

When you're getting the team, clients, users, customers, stakeholders - anyone! - together and you ask them to write their thoughts or some comments on a post-it note, it isn't a workshop.

It's ONE tool, one task, one process in that workshop.

What do you then do with those Post-its? Put them not a wall, whiteboard or flip chart and start categorising or sorting? That's another process or task.

I've got to say, I'm seeing patterns before my eyes! The write-it-and-post-it technique can be limiting, repetitive and very 'same-same'.

I'm not dissing the approach per se; it works, it's just... overworked.

Hands up if you've been in a workshop/meeting/conversation/session/thing where you wrote stuff on a Post-it and put it on a board/whiteboard/flipchart/wall/thing?

We can fall into tired patterns of what a workshop is, or what we can get a team or individuals to do in a workshop. When you want to engage with users, customers, stakeholders, sponsors, clients, you must think and plan what processes you'll use.

Don't wing it. If you're the facilitator or leader of the meeting or workshop, then it's up to you to plan, think, prepare and map out what processes you'll use - or at least have at hand - to help the team and group move, shift, achieve decide and do.

Break the Post-it pattern.

Continue to evolve, adapt and build up your toolkit of 'go-to' processes, tools and activities that you can use with a team.

Be ready to go where the team needs to go, do what needs to be done to respond to what's happening. (Oh, and it's not about playing 'icebreaker' games either! They're so 1980s.)

Participation, contribution, collaboration and engagement in workshops needs to be built, ramped up, encouraged and rewarded. That's how you go deep, that's how you get great stuff done.

So what are you planning? What are you doing and saying? How are you responding?

This is more powerful than 'Write your idea on a Post-it' x four times in the one workshop.

Your thoughts, their shoes

Are you working on something at the moment for a client, customer, colleague or yourself? Designing or creating something - a solution to a problem, a response to a call for help or a new service or product idea swishing about in your head?

Whenever you step in to any type of 'design' mode - a response, solution, creation or proposal - you need to bring together your thoughts, and a good dose of 'standing in their shoes'. 

Yes, that old saying of walking a mile in someone else's shoes gives you a sense of what it's like for them. 

A visual way of doing that is using an Empathy Map. 

Here's one I prepared earlier for you!



Either click and save to print this one, or quickly sketch out the lines and labels on a whiteboard, flip chart or a blank page in front of you. 

You can use post-it notes to write your thoughts on and then post them on the chart... or you can write directly on the page or canvas. Make the canvas big and it will work brilliantly as a conversation and collaboration tool. It's certain to get diverse views up on the wall!

And you can keep the chart visible and refer to it to remind yourself - and others - of who you're working on this 'thing' for. 

I worked with a customer solutions team this week and we collaborated on several Empathy Maps. Rather than talking generally about customers, users or clients 'out there', 'them' or 'those people', we developed a couple of customer personas. These imaginary - but quite true to life - customers kept focus on what they were really thinking, feeling, saying and doing. We gave them names and characteristics that were representative of the target audiences for the program of work.

It was a quick process to identify what problems and pain we were solving, and what successes or gains we would be delivering. We also included some of the comments from research and focus group conversations that some of the team had been having recently. 

Ooooh it was a 'rich' and interactive session! 

With this information as a great foundation, you can then add your own thinking, expertise and input.

It's one of the key elements to design thinking - start with that empathy, understanding and customer or user perspective. You can find more about Empathy Maps from a wander with Google or in the book Gamestorming.

Now what are you working on at the moment? How can I help you with that? Let's create an Empathy Map together and see how good thinking and some time in other people's shoes can create a range of brilliant solutions for you and your clients or customers. 

Memo to guest speakers: organise your thinking

Yes, three cheers for a call to conference presenters to have a go at engaging the audience (participants!) and delivering their thinking without the use of PowerPoint.

On Twitter today, I happily retweeted @brown_note and @neil_killick when this was put out there, with a reference to agile conferences:

RT @neil_killick I call on #agile conferences to ban PowerPoint and equivalent. Let's see presenters really present and lead discussion.

Here's the next challenge then - given the Agile Australia conference is set for June, the sold out Scrum conference is next week, and the UX and LAST conferences are also bearing down in August, every speaker has the time to organise their thinking. 

Start now speakers! Get your thinking sorted out now! 

I believe visual agility skills are what's needed - visual skills where you can swiftly and clearly:

1. capture your thinking
2. convey information, and
3. collaborate with others

... using visuals.

What happens is that PowerPoint gets used to capture thinking. And then it's the tool that's used to convey information. (Not as good at collaboration is it?)

A great communicator, leader and conference speaker/presenter can use all three: 

1. Capture your own thinking about what your presentation and key message is;
2. Convey information during the presentation; and
3. Collaborate - get input from others in the session, engage and lead discussion. 

It's not for artistic types or creative folks; it's for normal people and thinking people whose job it is to think, communicate and work well with others. 

I'll be watching next week at the Scrum conference; and I'll be capturing using visuals on my ipad.

I so hope a session I've proposed for the Agile Australia conference gets up; no surprise it's on visual agility - I want to help Agile folks get more visual so they can help people in their teams - and right across the businesses they work with and in - to "get" what they're on about quickly, clearly, and in an engaging and captivating way.

The sooner you're understood, the sooner we can all get on with it.