The more you talk, the less they can

The balance of participation in a meeting or workshop is curious to observe. The more you talk, the less they can contribute.

Have you asked a question? Did you acknowledge the response? Or did you just keep talking?

The space between when you stop talking ... and they start talking ... is known as ‘exchange time’. Is there an actual space there or are the usual voices picking up after each other? Can anyone break in to the conversation to add their comment?

I’ve been randomly measuring and observing exchange time in most of the online meetings and sessions I’ve been in over recent weeks - as both a session participant and a session leader.

When the topic engages and rapid comments come, exchange time shortens. It’s harder to add to the conversation. When two people are in conversation, exchange time can’t even be counted sometimes because the space is so thin. It’s impossible to find the gap. So it’s easier to just observe, to wait them out.

Disengagement and distraction are appealing. What do you deliberately do, to get the input and participation of people? Waiting for them to jump in is not a strategy.

Too often there is simply no space.

Accidentally excluded

It sucks to be forgotten, to be left off the list, overlooked and be invisible. It can happen by accident when we overlook or forget someone.

Yet this exclusion - when accidental - is not necessary, again. One ‘accident’ of leaving someone off a list somewhere should alert you that you need to be hyper-aware of inclusion. Every single time you’re trying to include people... check your list.

The standard questions of ‘who do we need to invite?’ or ‘who comes to this meeting?’ can’t be trusted to our overloaded attention and memory.

Set up a system. And have others check it too. Heck, even Santa makes a list ... and checks it twice.

Ask not ‘Have we missed anyone?’ - it’s a closed question that is easy to answer with ‘No ... I don’t think so.’

Rather ask, ‘Who have we missed?’ Our eyes, ears and brains then go searching for the missing pieces and names of actual people who should be there.

It’s not an ‘invite everyone’ solution either, as we drown under the weight of too many people at too many poorly led meetings. Who has been accidentally excluded ... and therefore needs to be deliberately included?