On expectations and standards

Expecting something to be different than it is? 
Wanting someone to reach higher standards? 
Expecting more of yourself? 

Expectations and standards are often invisible and internalized.

We notice when standards we have aren’t reached and people we work (and live) with may have little clue what our expectations and standards are ... until they’ve not reached them. 

Standards and expectations can be a tricky part of a perfectionist mindset. And we all have a little bit of perfectionist in us !

Our pursuit of more, better and higher can have no end. 

To make the perfectionist take a seat, declare and define what you’re actually going for and what you’re expecting. 

And if you’re a leader of a team, offer up your standards and expectations so people don’t have to guess, worry, overwork and lose sleep trying to deliver you the unreachable perfect. 

In 2019, I wrote the book ‘ish: The problem with our pursuit for perfection and the life changing practice of good enough’ - to help combat the ongoing rise in perfectionism the world over. 

Know what your good enough is and perfectionism won’t stand a chance. 

The great reminder

‘This book is a great reminder’
‘This story is a great reminder’
‘Thank you : what a great reminder...’

So what do we mean?

◻️We knew it already. Tick. 
◻️We knew it but didn’t do anything with it last time. No problem. 
◻️We forgot it, have now been reminded of it and still won’t do anything with it. Also no problem. 
◻️We forgot it and this time we will do something with it. Aha - action time!


There’s so much information we’re reading and listening to, trying to make sense of to make ourselves better. 

The great reminder tells you that you knew it already. Do you want to do something with it for the longer term? 

You don’t have to. 

We can’t put EVERY piece of advice we read into practice!

But if it’s a great reminder for you, what does it remind you of ... AND what might you decide to do with it this time around? 


Q: What do you think when you say ‘that’s a great reminder?’ 

You can facilitate yourself

A facilitator doesn’t just have to work with a group or team. 

They can work with themselves. 

We can all adopt some facilitation skills to facilitate ourselves. That is, to make things easier for ourselves. Facilitation means ‘ease’.

The ‘get out of your own way’ concept is often about how we make things harder for ourselves. We set higher standards, expect perfection, berate ourselves when we mess up and at other times, don’t do anything at all ... procrastinating for fear of not getting it right. 

Are you setting unreasonable standards? Unachievable deadlines? Or holding unspoken expectations?

None of this makes things easier. It makes it all harder. 

Making things easier for ourselves is a good thing - even though we may secretly believe you have to struggle for everything. 

But that’s an old point of view. It’s not true. 

Starting now ...
How can you make things easier for yourself ... and on yourself? 

The load we create and allow

If you or your team are still having back-to-back meetings throughout the day, stop! Please?

The blend of one meeting into the next does nothing for cognitive load coping. Our overload stays in overload because there’s no chance to ... unload. 

That means when you want to get great ideas and contributions from the team, they won’t have them. 

When you want them to work on planning, collaborating or decision-making, they won’t have the space and attention for it. 

We may think people are disconnected or disengaged when they could be cognitively overloaded.

For clearer and fresher thinking, invite, welcome and encourage breaks between (and within) meetings. 

Even a few minutes makes a difference. 

Create a break:
⏰ Start meetings off the hour at 10 past. 
⏰ Finish meetings prior to the hour. 

Working back-to-back isn’t smarter, particularly when you’re already overloaded. 

It might feel busy and important. 

Instead, it’s overloading the system... our system. Us. 

Overwhelmed by the gap

When the gap is too big between where I am and where I’d like to be, it can seem insurmountable, uncrossable, impossible. 

It’s a huge step towards a big goal. After all, we’ve been told to ‘dream big’ haven’t we...

While we know every journey begins with a single step, it can look more like a leap or pole vault from where we are. The gap may be too big for us to imagine crossing or closing. 

And then ... ‘oh hello overwhelm, you cheeky beast!’

To identify what brings about our own overwhelm is a discovery that’s worth the work. My overwhelm may be different to yours, which could be different to theirs. 

No deep probing and analysis required; just watch your patterns. 

They are there. 

The next few times you’re overwhelmed hold great insight. These give us the chance to redefine the often generalised use of the word ‘overwhelm’. 

It’s then that breakthroughs for better ways of thinking, working and living will come.