Wait... and wait a bit more...

You know the scenario - it's a team meeting and you're wanting to hear contributions or input, or it's time to hear if people have questions.

If you're not getting the engagement you want, it will likely be because of two things:

1. You asked a closed question

2. You didn't wait.

Even when engagement isn't that great in a meeting or workshop, the right questions will still elicit contributions.

Recently at a conference, the leader asked the team :

Does anyone have any questions?

It's SO easy to answer that with question a 'no' ... so we can just keep moving and get the hell outta the dull meeting!

If you're the leader, rather ask a question like:

So what thoughts are coming to mind?

What are you wondering about?

What questions are coming to mind?

These are open questions; simple, broad, open questions. It's amazing the difference they make. They allow people to just throw something out there. Their thoughts, their wonderings, the questions they may not normally ask.

Then once you've asked the question... wait.

Just wait.

The leader who asked 'Does anyone have any questions?' waited four seconds. I counted them. It can seem like an eternity when you're the asker, but when people are thinking about their thinking and possible questions, four seconds isn't enough.

Wait more.

And more.

And when you think you've waited too long...

...wait some more.

Some of the BEST questions will come when people are simply given some time to come up with the questions and contributions.

While you're waiting, keep looking at people, looking around the room or table at them; keep an open expression, be interested to hear what they say. Stay ready to hear what they have to say. Wait.

It reminds me of outback Australian stockmen who work their herds of cattle across the land. They rely so much on their trusty four-legged co-worker, the sheep or cattle dog.

'W-a-a-a-i-i-i-i-t-t-t-t' they say, telling the dog to just hold it before they round up more cattle.

Think of that before you jump in after some open questions... just w-w-w-w-a-a-a--i-i-i--t-t-t-t-.

I hear what you're saying. Oh really?

Teleconference, phone hook up or remote meeting: the bottom line is, you're talking but you can't see each other. 

You can't see facial expressions, body language or pick up on those many subtle cues that the stars of Lie to Me were so clever at identifying and deciphering. 

But you do have your ears. 

And you need to tune those ears in with greater attention than you do in a normal face-to-face meeting. 

I outlined in an earlier post that you have voice tone, volume and speed to listen in to and to notice the subtle shifts and changes. This is powerful when you can see people in a workshop or meeting, but even more powerful when it's all you've got on a phone hookup. 

I think it's the best 'test' of whether someone is REALLY listening - you go beyond hearing the words that are spoken and are able to pick up on the delivery, how it is said. Then you can go from there - you can ask another (better) question or you can check, clarify and go deeper to work out what might not have been said. 

Listen up folks! This is the listening you need to put to work everyday to make sure you really do hear what people are saying. 

Yes, you can interrupt

I was graphic recording at a client's leaders meeting last week and I had the wonderful - and often rare - opportunity to be quiet, look, listen and scribe or capture the visual and verbal elements of the conversation. 

No need for me to facilitate or guide or lead or direct or anything! Just listen and scribe. 

I've been recently coaching the new team leader in handling his diverse, enthusiastic and energetic team! They are a powerhouse when they get together. Ideas flying about the room, possibilities, energy and 'let's do it' enthusiasm!

We'd worked through the Facilitator 4-Step in a couple of coaching sessions and he was off and running this workshop/meeting using the model.

All going well.

All but one little thing; well, a big thing really.

He was too 'polite' to interrupt. He let people talk on and on and on. He wanted to make sure they had their say and put their views forward. 

That is great. Lovely approach. Open and trusting environment... etc etc etc. 

In our post-workshop conversation I confirmed that yes, you can interrupt. But interrupt with something that doesn't include your own view. 

Interrupt ... with a clarifying question: 'How can we link this back to the topic on the table?' 'What is the essence of your view?' 'What is the #1 concern you have?'

Too many conversations and meetings involve interruptions that say 'my point is more important than yours' or 'yeah I know what you're about to say and I think it's ....'

As a leader, facilitator, trainer or other role that's aiming to draw out, guide to an outcome or boost collaboration, you can interrupt. But interrupt with something that will serve your whole purpose for being together - not your own view or position. 

Please don't throw lollies

Please don't throw lollies. I can walk over and pick them up out of the plastic packet all by myself. Look, watch me, I can.

*Cringe*  I was in a training session last week – or perhaps that should read, ‘boring presentation’ by a presenter who introduced the topic by saying ‘Now I hope you all don’t ‘fall asleep’ during this!’

So there we were, looking forward to a boring presentation and the opportunity of falling asleep. Before the presenter spoke, she held up a large bargain bulk bag of lollies and sang in Mary Poppins style “I have lolllliiiieeeeeesssss!”

“I’ve got bribes!’ she further explained! “This will keep you awake!”

As if a bag of lollies is going to make my interest levels peak through 32 mind-numbing PowerPoint slides in a darkened room. What did peak was my blood sugar level, just by looking at the pink and yellow shapes inside the bag.

Why isn’t she trying to make that presentation more interesting, engaging and helpful? Why isn’t it more palatable than the cheap lollies?

She delivered the presentation. She never needed the lollies. It cheapened the presentation; it lowered the professionalism and it made us feel like we needed to listen or we’d be very naughty. We are adults you know. So are you, presenter.

Some people I have consulted and worked with argue that you need damn good coffee and pastries to get people to some presentations. But surely you don’t need to throw lolllies at us when we look bored!

‘Oh but it’s FUN!’ shouted Amy from the Learning and Design team. ‘Lighten up! It’s fun! You’re too serious!’

It wasn’t fun for Gavin from Accounts who sat in the accident and emergency department waiting room with his eye bleeding out of its socket. No, Gavin wasn’t laughing when a bullet hard lemon barley sugar with kiddy wrap went flying through his left eye. The visual, yes that’s a laugh. The Safety Team said ‘No more throwing lollies. You may hand them around.’

If you want your session, meeting, presentation or training to be fun you don’t need to throw lollies at me or anyone else. What you do need to do is design the session with engaging activities, designed for the purpose, designed for the people in the room. They’re called an audience. Even better when you call them ‘participants’.

What are you doing to make your meetings, conversations, workshops and learning experiences creative, collaborative, engaging and transformative?

*Gavin isn’t his real name. And he didn’t need to go to Accident and Emergency either. He’s ok. 

Learn the dance: the 4 key steps to meeting awesomeness

You know the meeting merry-go-round where there is so much circling back on to topics covered earlier. Or meetings and conversations when some people don't move on and others seem to wrap up the meeting but no one knows who's going to do what. 

'Aaaargh - there's an hour of my life I'll never get back,' you say.

Here's the thing; if you've called a meeting or are leading a meeting, it's up to you to keep 'em on track, help them participate and make outcomes happen.

Don't blame 'them'. You're it. It's on you. 

Here's how I roll: whenever I'm facilitating a strategic workshop, a strategy session, a design thinking workshop, I am ALWAYS listening and looking out for whether the talk is in one of these four areas:

1. Backstory
2. Opinions
3. Ideas
4. Outcomes

That's it. And I make sure we move through that process throughout the meeting - also making sure everyone get's to contribute, add stuff, say what they need and so on. 

There's a visual of my Facilitator 4-Step - as I call it - here. I'm always doing this 'dance' to make sure we get to the outcome in every meeting and workshop with clients. 

Most people think they're pretty damn hot at meeting leadership. I disagree. Most of what I see in workplaces gets really mucky and muddy between steps 1, 2 and 3, and not doing 4 well either. 

There's an ebook I have that unpacks the model. Email me and I'll send it to you! As a gift. 

Dance on folks - just learn the steps. You won't tread on any toes, I promise, and you'll have plenty of dance partners for years to come!