Naming the struggle

While guiding a group with mentoring advice recently, the most common statement in their questions and sentences was, ‘I’m struggling with…'

Learning, growing, changing and adapting is indeed a struggle. 

And it’s being magnified further in these times! 

Struggling - in less violent terms - is about doing one’s best, but I wonder, what is it that we are doing in struggling?

Are we :
- Getting used to ...
- Annoyed or frustrated with ...
- Trying to understand ...
- Debating or weighing up...
- Confused about ...
- Taking longer than we expected?

All of these situations could indeed be a struggle. And I wonder if that feeing of ‘I’m struggling with…’ is worth redefining or renaming, rather than bundling it all up as struggling. 

Acknowledge it is a struggle. Yes. 

And then explore what else it is: whether it’s a frustration, an obstacle, a question, or just another a step along a path of change. 

Perhaps it’s more challenging than we’d liked, hoped or expected. 

Owning the book doesn’t make it read

As better ways of doing things evolve, we have other ways to read books than actually holding printed paper in our hands, as glorious as it is! 

We can listen, read a summary abstract, talk about it in a club, on an app, or have someone read it to us. 

We can skim and scan and not even read the entire thing!

Oh, yes we can. 

Or do we think we have to read each book the ‘proper’ way ... word after word, cover to cover?

Some people give a book an hour (I prefer a day) to explore and get familiar with it. And then dive in further, for longer, if it’s a match. 

I have no guilt about books piling up, unread. It’s ‘Tsundoku’ in Japanese - acquiring reading materials but letting them pile up without reading them. 

Our pile o’books may signal what we hope or intend, but our action makes it so. Having the unread book on my shelf doesn’t give me the learning that’s in it. 

A book a week, a month or a year ... or 100+ books a year; whatever your appetite, satisfy it. 

Me? 
I go for a Spanish Tapas style:

Tasty morsels in small doses. Perhaps several in one sitting. Happy to return to my favorites. Some hard copy. Some digital. Some sound bites. 

The perfect book

To read a book is a joy. 
To collect books is also a joy!

Have you noticed what you think as you start to read a new book? 

Are you open and curious, ready to explore or are you expecting something else?

Do we expect reading to be a frictionless, perfect experience? 
That we will sit down at the perfect time and read the perfect number of pages...

Or we will read and understand it perfectly because it’s perfectly structured, edited and presented?

Maybe we hope that the book, this book will be ‘the’ book, the perfect one that will answer the big questions we have, give us the perfect advice or address our biggest need.

Our expectations can at times set us up for disappointment. 

And at least knowing what our standards and expectations are before we start something can help. 

Whether we are reading a book, or writing a book or launching any kind of project, tap in to the expectation or hope you have for it. 

And know that perfectionism can still show up in the standards we have for other people and other things ... as much as it shows up in the standards we can have for ourselves.  

As we read, write and work, progress is still better than the unreal ideal of perfection. 

Where could you ease off

Where could you do less and it wouldn’t be noticed and wouldn’t matter?

In researching and writing the book ‘ish: The Problem with our Pursuit for Perfection and the Life-Changing Practice of Good Enough’, it's clear the problem with overworking is worse than ever.

We might work with someone who :

- Doesn’t let go

- Still has to finish ... something

- Keeps missing deadlines

- Needs to do more research, check more data.

Our workplaces must address this pursuit of perfection. It doesn't just apply at home or in the community. It’s rife in the workplace and often ignored, expected or justified.

So look at what you’re working on. Do you know what standard you’re going for or are you just continuing to 'go for perfect'?

If you stop, you will see that’s it’s likely already done well enough. Where could you ease off and people wouldn’t even notice? (This is not about neglecting standards where they're required. Settle down.)

It’s about the dramatic rise in the pursuit of perfection across age groups, sectors, cultures and countries. Notice it in yourself, your team, and keep an eye out for friends, family and the wider community.

Perfectionism is hurting us ... and we don't have to let it.

Expecting the perfect holiday, Christmas, feast, celebration or event

Oh the pressure!

All of those images and articles, news reports, retail displays, advertising campaigns and other external standards hurtling at us, telling us what we should be doing, buying, gifting, giving, receiving, eating, preparing and ... expecting.

They’re all just trying to sell us something and make us strive for a better or 'more perfect' Christmas or holiday season.

Don’t believe it! You don’t need to buy in to any of the BS at this - or any time of the year - that you don't want to. Just do your thing.

The way you like to do it. You are good enough just as you are and whatever you’re planning for Christmas or the holidays or next year ... is good enough!

Do your thing. Perfection doesn’t exist and any belief we have that it does exist is what keeps pumping out those pictures and unrealistic standards! Go for good enough and it will all be plenty plenty good enough. Stay safe and take care X