Renegotiating expectations

When you’re working on a task, all the way through it ... right to the end, you can change your mind, anytime. 

We are allowed to renegotiate expectations, particularly the expectations we hold for ourselves. 

When I was researching the topic of perfectionism for my book “ish”, I learned about the different types of perfectionism we humans experience. 

One sort of perfectionism is about the standards we hold for ourselves, as we push on and on trying to reach an elusive perfect. 

These expectations may be invisible to others yet there they are, a standard we are constantly measuring ourselves against. 

The good news is, we can change these expectations. 

And it need not take long. We can do it almost instantly ... immediately!

We just need to ease some of the pressure we put on ourselves. 

Then our focus can go to the progress made, the achievements and the step by step we take, rather than how we’ve not met our expectations. 

You can release a pressure and expectation you hold for yourself. 

And this can become a healthy, helpful habit in the care of our selves. 

On expectations and standards

Expecting something to be different than it is? 
Wanting someone to reach higher standards? 
Expecting more of yourself? 

Expectations and standards are often invisible and internalized.

We notice when standards we have aren’t reached and people we work (and live) with may have little clue what our expectations and standards are ... until they’ve not reached them. 

Standards and expectations can be a tricky part of a perfectionist mindset. And we all have a little bit of perfectionist in us !

Our pursuit of more, better and higher can have no end. 

To make the perfectionist take a seat, declare and define what you’re actually going for and what you’re expecting. 

And if you’re a leader of a team, offer up your standards and expectations so people don’t have to guess, worry, overwork and lose sleep trying to deliver you the unreachable perfect. 

In 2019, I wrote the book ‘ish: The problem with our pursuit for perfection and the life changing practice of good enough’ - to help combat the ongoing rise in perfectionism the world over. 

Know what your good enough is and perfectionism won’t stand a chance. 

Expecting the perfect holiday, Christmas, feast, celebration or event

Oh the pressure!

All of those images and articles, news reports, retail displays, advertising campaigns and other external standards hurtling at us, telling us what we should be doing, buying, gifting, giving, receiving, eating, preparing and ... expecting.

They’re all just trying to sell us something and make us strive for a better or 'more perfect' Christmas or holiday season.

Don’t believe it! You don’t need to buy in to any of the BS at this - or any time of the year - that you don't want to. Just do your thing.

The way you like to do it. You are good enough just as you are and whatever you’re planning for Christmas or the holidays or next year ... is good enough!

Do your thing. Perfection doesn’t exist and any belief we have that it does exist is what keeps pumping out those pictures and unrealistic standards! Go for good enough and it will all be plenty plenty good enough. Stay safe and take care X

Go for excellence not perfection

Excellence says 'good'. It's the act and output of excelling with good qualities in high degree. Yet some parts may not be excellent and these we hope will be the parts that don't really matter or those that can be improved over time.

My mother, Shirley, put a little sign in our family home years ago that read: ‘I may not be perfect, but parts of me are excellent.’ This is what it's about! Parts of our project, task or activity could well be admirable, impressive, grand and outstanding. And other parts...may be less than that.

Industries that have established 'Centres for Excellence' - in my local region - include Science, Child and family health, Disability, Railways, Youth mental health, and Automotive.

These sectors know that everything isn't perfect but parts of them are excellent; the parts that matter.

They want to improve and get better with both the parts that are already excellent and the parts that need to be a bit more excellent!  

Let me know what you think. Could you go for something like ‘iterative improvement’ or ‘progressive excellence’, rather than trying to make things perfect?

Worrying if you're doing it 'right'

Worrying if you're doing it 'right'. When we write something, share, do, show, try something new, we can be worried about whether we’re doing it ... ‘right’.

What is ‘right’ anyway? Is it about meeting a standard or expectation ... our standard or expectation? Or is it about meeting the standards and expectations of others?

It’s surely a conditioning from our upbringing or our school years where the reward and validation was for correct and right.

Our fear of getting it wrong can be powerful indeed: not wanting to look foolish, not wanting to be seen as unprofessional or not wanting our reputation to take a hit.

Rather, today, we can be encouraged and rewarded more by our effort, by trying and by getting out of inertia - that state of doing nothing or perhaps, nothing new.

If we stay safe and only do the things we do well - our party tricks - we don’t learn. And most of all we don’t adapt so we stay relevant, employable, progressing, doing meaningful things. Worry less about 'right' and focus more on getting going and improving or iterating over time.

Is there something you're worrying about doing 'right' at the moment?