Renegotiating expectations

When you’re working on a task, all the way through it ... right to the end, you can change your mind, anytime. 

We are allowed to renegotiate expectations, particularly the expectations we hold for ourselves. 

When I was researching the topic of perfectionism for my book “ish”, I learned about the different types of perfectionism we humans experience. 

One sort of perfectionism is about the standards we hold for ourselves, as we push on and on trying to reach an elusive perfect. 

These expectations may be invisible to others yet there they are, a standard we are constantly measuring ourselves against. 

The good news is, we can change these expectations. 

And it need not take long. We can do it almost instantly ... immediately!

We just need to ease some of the pressure we put on ourselves. 

Then our focus can go to the progress made, the achievements and the step by step we take, rather than how we’ve not met our expectations. 

You can release a pressure and expectation you hold for yourself. 

And this can become a healthy, helpful habit in the care of our selves. 

On expectations and standards

Expecting something to be different than it is? 
Wanting someone to reach higher standards? 
Expecting more of yourself? 

Expectations and standards are often invisible and internalized.

We notice when standards we have aren’t reached and people we work (and live) with may have little clue what our expectations and standards are ... until they’ve not reached them. 

Standards and expectations can be a tricky part of a perfectionist mindset. And we all have a little bit of perfectionist in us !

Our pursuit of more, better and higher can have no end. 

To make the perfectionist take a seat, declare and define what you’re actually going for and what you’re expecting. 

And if you’re a leader of a team, offer up your standards and expectations so people don’t have to guess, worry, overwork and lose sleep trying to deliver you the unreachable perfect. 

In 2019, I wrote the book ‘ish: The problem with our pursuit for perfection and the life changing practice of good enough’ - to help combat the ongoing rise in perfectionism the world over. 

Know what your good enough is and perfectionism won’t stand a chance. 

A high expectation of others.

I’ve been posting on 'ish', the practice of good enough and the challenges when don't know the standard we're going for. But what about others?

Unhappy about the work someone has done for you or a service delivered to you? Perhaps it didn’t have the right information, didn’t look right or wasn’t the way you expected.

The increasing problem the world has with perfectionism isn’t just about the standards we have for ourselves. Our expectations of others is a problem on the rise too.

If someone hasn’t done a ‘good enough’ job, you absolutely must clarify the expectations you had ... and the expectations they had. We're not so great at doing this.

Instead we talk due dates, timelines and deadlines with little to no regard for quality, fidelity or standard. If you 'manage expectations’ in your role, it's not just managing other people’s expectations of you.

It’s also about you managing your expectations of them. Don’t be difficult about it. Be clear. The ‘are we on the same page’ metaphor is worth working on until you really are on the same page. 

Go for excellence not perfection

Excellence says 'good'. It's the act and output of excelling with good qualities in high degree. Yet some parts may not be excellent and these we hope will be the parts that don't really matter or those that can be improved over time.

My mother, Shirley, put a little sign in our family home years ago that read: ‘I may not be perfect, but parts of me are excellent.’ This is what it's about! Parts of our project, task or activity could well be admirable, impressive, grand and outstanding. And other parts...may be less than that.

Industries that have established 'Centres for Excellence' - in my local region - include Science, Child and family health, Disability, Railways, Youth mental health, and Automotive.

These sectors know that everything isn't perfect but parts of them are excellent; the parts that matter.

They want to improve and get better with both the parts that are already excellent and the parts that need to be a bit more excellent!  

Let me know what you think. Could you go for something like ‘iterative improvement’ or ‘progressive excellence’, rather than trying to make things perfect?

Everything doesn't have to be amazing!

Everything doesn’t have to be a-m-a-z-i-n-g. Writing a blog, preparing a report, delivering a presentation? Tidying the cupboard, cleaning your desk, working out what to wear today? Watch out folks! We pile an incredible pressure on ourselves in today’s crazy world, trying to make the quality of what we do amazing.

But do you know what? Everything doesn’t have to be amazing.

Some things yes, but everything, nope. So cut it out. Cut out the stuff that you’re putting extra effort into trying to make it ‘amazing’ because you could be on a path to never-never land that doesn’t deliver an amazing feeling or the hoped-for amazing results.

Rather, set a standard that you’re going for and then when you’ve reached it, you’re done.

Oh, and save your amazings for weddings, birthdays, celebrations, holidays, experiences, special things, time with people … whatever the things are that are really, truly important to you in this life of yours.

>>Are you trying to make something a little too amazing right now... when 'good enough' would be good enough?